Today, I want to share a secret with you. Do you know what Americans mean when they say things like “Let’s have get together”? No?
Well, it’s a good thing you’re here, because today’s lesson will save you a lot of social embarrassment.
Click the image for details
“Let’s get together sometime”: An everyday way to end a conversation
If you’ve ever had a nice, friendly conversation with an American, there’s a good chance that the conversation ended like this :
- “Yeah, it was good talking to you. We should go out for lunch one day!”
- “Let’s get together for a drink some time.”
- “You really should come over for coffee one day.”
- “If you’re ever in San Francisco, give me a call.”
Of course, in that last one, the American speaking lives in San Francisco. It would make no sense for your friend in Miami to tell you to call them when you’re in San Francisco…
You understand what I mean….
What do all of those expressions have in common? Let’s look at the language more closely:
“We should go out for lunch one day!” = Sounds like an invitation to go to a restaurant together
“Let’s get together for a drink some time.” Sounds like an invitation to go to a bar together.
“You really should come over for coffee one day.” Sounds like an invitation to someone’s house for coffee.
“If you’re ever in San Francisco, give me a call.” Sounds like an invitation to make contact when you’re visiting someone’s town.
So, logically, if an American says any of these sentences to you, they’re inviting you.
To a restaurant, to their house, whatever.
Logically. But….
WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN
But, this is just a friendly gesture. A way to say “Hey, I like you.”
This idea of liking someone, and having others like you is pretty important in American society.
To illustrate, here’s a cultural reference that every American knows: In 1984 when the actress Sally Field accepted her Academy Award, she screamed “You like me! I can’t deny the fact, right now, you like me!”
It’s really cheesy. (cheesy= silly, kitsch, exaggerated to a point of being funny).
See for yourself in this video.
So even if an American tells you “You should come over for coffee one day”, and it’s not really an invitation, it’s still good, because it means they like you.
And that’s important for them.
HOW TO KNOW IF THE INVITATION IS REAL
So if those “invitations” are just polite ways to conclude a conversation, how do you know when an American is really, truly inviting you for coffee, lunch, or a margarita?
Well, let’s compare two examples.
Here’s an invitation that really isn’t one:
“It was good talking to you, maybe we should get together again for coffee some time!”
And here’s a real invitation:
“It was good talking to you. I’d love to hear more about your life in France. Do you want to meet up some time next weekend maybe for coffee?”
What are the differences?
The real invitation is much more specific. I mention a topic of a future conversation, and I mention a time for the next time to meet.”
So, if it’s a vague “We should go out again some time”, that’s just a polite way of saying goodbye.
The appropriate response is just “Yeah, that would be great.”
If there are some specifics: a topic of the future conversation, a specific time, that’s a real invitation.
See what I mean in this week’s English lesson:
Now, what about you?
Have you ever been confused in a situation like this? What did the American say?
How did you respond?
Share your stories with us in the comments below! We can all learn from each other’s stories!
Remember to get my Top 10 best episodes for making small talk in English.
Click here to get the lessons.
You’ll get lots of vocabulary, useful grammar, and more little secrets to making good small talk in English, especially with Americans.
See you next week! (And that’s a real invitation 😉
Christina
More English lessons...
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Thanks for your vblogs it’s a delight to see and hear you
Thanks so much Jaime! And it’s a pleasure to read your comment here!
It’s really delight to watch your videos ..
I couldn’t have resisted to see you everyday by watching your videos…you are great teacher..thanks for given us a great lessons
Thank you for those kind words!
This American learned some English in Australia! If it might seem off-topic, please forbear. English isn’t everywhere English. Here are some overseas English nuts and bolts, but without the subtle and complex – and essential – social abstractions offered by you, Christina.
I landed in Sydney a lot tired and a little hungy for something quick while still in the airport. At a lunch counter (take-away, not carry-out) I bought some soup and got no crackers:
“May I have some crackers please?”
“I don’t reckon we’ll have any of those ’til ’round Guy Fawkes Day, mate” (i.e. “No”).
Fine.
After a while I figured out some of the Australian/American equalities:
Scones = biscuits
Crackers = fireworks (abundant around Guy Fawkes Day)
Biscuits = cookies, BUT
‘Savory’ biscuits = crackers
Cookies = (blank look)
Tea = supper, approximately
Chip = french fry
Crisp = chip
French fry = (blank look)
Milkshake = milk, flavored, shaken, literally
Thick shake = milkshake
Shake = (blank look)
Delicious = tasty
Tasty = sharp (cheese), or tangy/spicy (generally)
Black coffee = black coffee
White coffee = black coffee with milk (brown, in fact)
Also:
Mustard = blinding, debilitating, yellow fire
Mayonaise = ghastly soupy dreck
Vegemite = brown boot polish, according to an authoritative Scottish tourist (it’s harmless if eaten)
Cherry Ripe = the most delicious cherry-filled chocolate bar that can be imagined even by God
That’s just the edibles. Any harmless American word may be an Aussie obscenity. One must take no offense if asked if one had “pranged” a kangaroo, which I had done, with my car. There are no nickles, dimes, quarters, or pennies Down Under, the familiar coin names upon which we are more dependent than we think. I won’t go into football.
I lived and worked in the Australian Capital Territory for three months immersed in my own foreign tongue. But I’ll always be very happy to return, the wiser.
Hi Jeff,
This is brilliant, thanks so much for sharing this with us! I’m sure lots of members of the community will appreciate your list of “translations” from Australian to American English. Personally, I still haven’t figured out why “white coffee” is called that… when it’s clearly brown!
I love your story and your sense of humor here! The crackers things is hilarious, and I can totally imagine the confusion going on there! Thanks again for taking the time to share this with us!
Helpful indeed. Thank you and more power!
Thanks so much Abi! Right back at you!
We have lots of family members that will say this over and over to us, when we run into each other, or at a family reunion. We live in Minnesota, passive agressive niceness territory, lol. And It truly baffled me, for years. I expect a polite, “Let’s get together sometime, from a stranger or light aquaintance, but not from family! It has been so exasperating for me, because I would try and try to set up a time, they would string me along, but it never happened. Then every single time I see them, they do that all over again. Then, one day, I heard an expression on the radio show I listen to daily and they called that an “L.A. Invite.” I can’t find that phrase anywhere on the internet, meaning what I’m using it for here, but I love it. From now on, when someone says something like that me, I think I will politely follow up with “Great! I’d love that. If you really want to, let’s set up specifics now or very soon,” and then I’ll just leave it with them.
And thanks for the video, Christina! It was cute and informative.
Thanks a lot for your good way of teaching english
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Loved the read! I’m a bit confused on my situation but what if my friend said to let him know when I’m in LA (as he was going back to LA). Is that still considered just a polite way to end the conversation or do you think it means a little bit more of an invitation opposed to not? (as we can’t quite know the specifics of the future yet to make any plans.) I can’t seem to find any advice on my situation online but would like to understand it better before reaching out – especially since majority of my friends and family are in Canada with me and this is the first time someone I know said this to me. Thank you!
Hello! We have friends who said they wanted to treat us some evening to dinner. Ok—so in speaking with them they suggested ‘Thursday evening’ and mentioned a specific restaurant. I said sounds good, we didn’t have plans and let me get with my spouse. So, friend says, she’ll check back with me tomorrow —end of conversation. Did not hear from her so made a contact asking if she was still thinking about Thursday to get together.
The response was a lackadaisical ‘if you want to’, it’s up to you,’
I went from thinking I was accepting an invitation to being in a very non-committal ‘see ya sometime’. It was especially uncomfortable since they were insistent about treating us (as they have been our guests on several occasions).
So, it was as if I was saying sure, it’s time for you to take us out. Ugh. Help!
Ooh, this is a great question, and there are lots of things happening here! I love questions like this, so let’s pick it apart!
They insisted, suggested some specific details : day, restaurant, etc. = This is a serious invitation, not just a casual, empty “Let’s get together sometime”.
She said she would get back to you = Great, but I wouldn’t analyze too much the fact that she didn’t get back to you. Many people get busy, and simply forget to follow up, even if they said they would. I do this too, I admit!
Or maybe she didn’t want to insist too heavily, and feel like she was forcing you to accept the invitation. She may have thought that when you said “I’ll check with my spouse” that this could have been a polite way of declining the invitation. A bit like when we tell a salesperson “I’ll think about it.” Sometimes, we truly do want to think about it. Sometimes, we just say that to politely end the conversation about the decision to buy.
Either way, I wouldn’t worry too much about the fact that she said “I’ll check with you tomorrow” and then she didn’t. You contacted her, and you took the right action.
When you followed up, her response was lackadaisical (Great use of this word, by the way!!) Again, she may not want to be too insistant with the invitation, and is giving you a chance to back out. Or maybe she is feeling a bit less enthusiastic than before. But that’s not your problem. She already extended the invitation, and you are in your full right to accept it with enthusiasm.
If you want to show that you gladly accept the invitation, you can respond “Sure, [spouse’s name] and I would love to go out with you to [restaurant name]. That’s so nice of you to invite us!” and then maybe take the conversation a bit further by discussing some logistics (“Do you want us to just meet you at the restaurant, or do you want us to come pick you up?”, for example).
Awesome question, and thanks for your patience, as I’m catching up with my comments. How did the situation go in the end?